when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
