Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
porn star boner night. come get it.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
