I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I love having hate sex.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
