Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
