The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
