While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
