Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
