I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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