Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
