you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
