you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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