I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
