He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
