Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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