turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
