so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
