Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
