so that wasnt chicken after all
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
