everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
