I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
