im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
