Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
