She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
