well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Houston, we have a squirter
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
