I wanna passion pit in your ass
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
