She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She's the barista slut.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
