So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I think my fart just growled at me.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
