I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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