i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
