If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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