Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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