Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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