This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
