I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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