Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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