I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
