She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
