Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
ttyl tear gas
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
