I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
