Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
