Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
