Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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