I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
