I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
