K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
