Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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