I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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