Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
