Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
