there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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