I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
